Max and Claire's Excellent Adventure

Pre-Thanksgiving News

2010-11-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

What’s been going on with the Hawkins family? I’m sure that this question has been plaguing you since my last entry. For those of you who are interested, here are a few items.

Stephanie and I ran the Healdsburg Wine Country ½ Marathon this past weekend. I finished in 2:55. Steph beat me by about 30 minutes and the winner finished in 1:05! (That is a 5 minute mile for 13.1 miles !!!!!) Steph plans on continuing her running, while I plan on beginning MMA training (exercise only). Running is too rough on my legs.

Claire is still plugging away at school. She is doing a great job with her receptive language, but continues to struggle with her expressive. Although, she did manage to tell Stephanie that her new chicken dish was “gross” and that she was not eating it. Claire is a smart little girl, she is just perplexing. Every once in a while she will burst out with a great sentence and the very next minute, she will revert back to her jargon. I really don’t know what to think about her progress or how to get her to try harder. I am confident that she will be able to “mainstream”; we’ll probably just continue to take our lumps while getting there. Oh. Her new favorite activity is locking Bruno the dog inside her tent that we have set up in the playroom. Bruno really loves this! I love Claire. She makes me smile and laugh every day. She is truly a blessing!

Max continues to do well. We received his first 2nd grade report card a couple of weeks ago. He received all “E’s” (excellent) with the exception of one “S” (satisfactory). The “S” had to do with the area of language development, so the fact that he did not excel in comparison to his peers is neither a surprise nor a disappointment. Max is also participating in a cool hockey program sponsored by the Nashville Predators. It is called G.O.A.L., which stands for “get out and learn”. He gets a completely free, one hour hockey lesson every Wednesday for four weeks. They gave him a free jersey and stick and let him borrow the rest of the equipment at no cost!! Awesome!! I did buy him a new helmet, so I could “doctor” it for his Harmony. I cut away a little padding so he could wear his device along with the helmet. I am the master of this surgery, so if you need help with a baseball helmet, hockey helmet, etc., let me know! Oh yeah. Max had his first two sleepovers recently. He spent the night at a buddy’s house one weekend and his buddy spent the night at ours on another. The little man is growing up.

I still can’t get my mind wrapped around taking Max bi-lateral. I wish that I could snap my fingers and make it so :( It is such a painful process for me. Anyway……..

Welcome To Holland

2010-09-09T11:20:00.000-05:00

Many of you have probably read this poem, but I was speaking with a nice young lady today and could not remember the name of it. Anyway, here it is. I hope you enjoy it!

Welcome To Holland

by

Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

* * *

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

Max "Dropping In" !!

2010-09-06T15:26:00.000-05:00

A new school year.....

2010-08-25T14:40:00.002-05:00

And so it begins…..

I can’t believe that Max is a second grader this year. I vividly remember Mrs. Wilson and my second grade year. Am I really this dang old? I guess I am. At least having an 8 year old son allows me to pretend like I am young again. Max has recently taken up skateboarding, which has allowed me dabble in BMX. Max is brave and tries new tricks all the time. I am not so brave. So far, I just go up the ramp and down the ramp. Very little air can be seen between my tires and the ground. 38 year old bones break more easily than 8 year old bones, or so I hear. I’ll try to get some video up of Max skateboarding soon. It’s cool to see him learning to do new things (just like any other kid). Oh yeah, I’ll try to get some pictures of his new board up as well. It was the envy of the skate park last Sunday! Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that Max earned his yellow belt at Elite Martial Arts a couple of weeks ago. I’ll post some pictures, along with a video of him breaking a wooden board. (By the way, I know Max will do a great job and put 110% in to this school year!)

Claire has a new teacher in her pre-school program at Mama Leer Hearing School this semester. Her name is Ms. Kelley. We will miss Ms. Katie, but I’m sure that Kelly will do an excellent job with Claire as well. Claire is coming along nicely with her speech. She is perfectly capable of using complete sentences when she “wants to”. She still has a bad habit of using jargon. I hope that she grows out of that habit this year. Thankfully, she will be able to attend Mama Leer next year for kindergarten as well. That will give her two more years of development before attending a “main stream” school (hopefully David Lipscomb). I’m drawing a blank on any funny new things that Claire is doing. She has become quite the chatterbox on our rides home from school. She wants either Max or me to constantly engage with her on these trips. Since both of us are tired from a long day, I’m not sure that we always do a great job. Max typically plays along for 5-10 minutes and then gets annoyed. He just wants to rest his brain after a long day of listening. We all love Claire. She rules the Hawkins household (at least she thinks she does).

On a side note, I am frustrated with Max’s FM situation. We have been trying to get the stupid thing fixed for over a year, with no success. I think that the problem has finally been diagnosed and we will be able to use it again soon (even though Max doesn’t want to).

There is no new news to report on Max going bi-lateral. Guess we need to pray about it more. Couldn’t hurt. Right?

Out…

The Dog Days Of Summer......

2010-07-16T14:39:00.003-05:00

It’s been a while. I guess nothing really new and exciting has happened in the life of the Hawkins family lately. We just spend most of our time being busy and attempting to get by like everyone else. I think a nice trip out to the Advanced Bionics headquarters in California would break up the monotony nicely!

Let’s see… So far this summer, Max has attended Vanderbilt University’s soccer camp (where he received camper of the week, 2 years running!), Lipscomb University’s baseball camp and has started training in Mixed Martial Arts. He will also attend Lipscomb’s soccer camp next week. I believe in keeping his summers busy. Too many video games and too much TV make kids mushy!! Oh yeah. Max turned 8 a few weeks ago. We installed a new basketball goal in our back yard to celebrate.

We still have not made a decision on a second implant for Max. I go back and forth. It’s easy for me to mentor others and push other families toward multiple implants, but when it comes down to my kid (who is doing very well with one) it’s much tougher. I won’t bore you with the emotions again, but the decision making process sucks. (pardon my French)….

Claire has been attending Mama Leer Hearing School at Vanderbilt University all summer. She continued with Ms. Katie for the first session and has since moved on to Ms. Kelley. THANK YOU KATIE FOR ALL THAT YOU DID FOR CLAIRE!!! There is a special place in heaven for teachers like you! Oh. Alicia! I don’t want to leave you out. You have really helped us turn baby Claire in to a little lady. Thanks for all you do.

Claire’s vocabulary continues to grow and she can even use it when she wants to. It’s the “want to” that seems to be her problem. She is much to content with using “jargon” most of the time. I know she does it because jargon is easier than concentrating on using her real words. Stubborn girl! Kudos to my wife Stephanie for working in therapy with her busy schedule. I think she is probably the best mom ever!

I’m trying to think of something funny that Claire did lately….. Hmmm…. Oh yeah! She now bites Bruno The Dog on his ear whenever she feels like torturing him! That poor dog. He really takes a beating from Claire (not literally). They have such a love/hate relationship.

As I may have mentioned before, Steph and I are both training for a ½ marathon in California which takes place Halloween weekend. Whish me luck. If you want to check out the race website, it is www.runhealdsburg.com . I that there is a link to my running blog on this site, if you get really bored. See ya!

Out.

Family Update

2010-05-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

Another school year has come and gone. Crazy. I turned 38, Max will soon be 8 and Claire is now 4 (I won’t mention Steph’s age.). That looks really strange to me when I see it written down.

Anyway…. I though that I would take a minute and update everyone on our family. Let’s go youngest to oldest.

Claire – Oh Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire Claire. This girl is something else. She has really humbled me as a parent. I love her more than words can express, but she is going through some serious “stinker” issues right now. I’m almost positive that some of these behavioral issues stem from hearing loss and her frustration with communicating, but that’s not all of it. We were at Blackstone after the Country Music ½ Marathon a few weeks ago, waiting for our food, and what did I see? I saw a spitball flying at my head! I looked at Max. Nope. I looked at Stephanie. Nope. I looked at Claire. Yes! Claire was the assailant. Where in the heck did a 4 year old learn to shoot spit wads from a straw? One night this week, I was trying to get Claire in bed and she was not cooperating. At some point during my effort to get her in bed, she became very angry with me. Unfortunately she had a glass of water in her hand. What did she do with the water? She threw it right at me. Drenched me. Have you ever had the urge to laugh when you were furious? I did. Claire also likes to put me in “time out” and give me the old stick out your tongue/spitting routine. Oh. She also likes to pick Bruno the dog up by his hind legs and carry him around. Fun for Bruno. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t trade Claire in for any other little girl in the whole world. I don’t know what I would do without her. I just don’t know what to do with her either!

PS – I forgot to mention that she placed all of her loose change in the disc slot on the Wii. Yep. $85 repair…

I continue to be concerned about her expressive language and social skills. She attends a wonderful auditory oral school (as you probably know). I’m just at a loss on what else to do, short of hiring a full time Auditory Verbal therapist to live at our house. Man. That would be nice!

Max – I read an interesting quote this morning. “Show me a kid involved in too many extra curricular activities, and I will show you a miserable parent.” I hope that I am not stepping in to this trap with Max. I love coaching his baseball team and our tournament begins this weekend. (Max is playing great by the way.) I also just signed him up for Mixed Martial Arts School at Elite Martial Arts in Brentwood. He is signed up for two soccer camps and a baseball camp this summer as well. I know that sounds like a lot, but I refuse to let him sit around the house and play video games all summer. The camps are spread out and Martial Arts does not start until we finish baseball. Am I crazy? Nah. As long as it is one sport at a time, I think we are OK.

As I mentioned in my last blog, Max is doing well in school and will graduate to second grade this fall. I pray that the Lord provides Max with a wonderful second grade teacher. He has blessed Max so far in that aspect. I’m still waiting for a sign on Max’s second implant. I received some good input from one of our family friends, but I don’t know if that is my sign. The input was appreciated none the less. I know the second implant would help Max. I just can’t get over the idea of putting my beautiful, happy, robust, loving baby boy (almost 8) under the knife again. I get teared up just thinking about it. Sorry. I know I whine about this all the time.

Steph – Perfection :) - Just kidding. She is well, but I don’t like to speak for her.

Me – I’m struggling a bit right now to be honest. Being a good father, husband, employee and disciple all at the same time is not happening at the moment. I’ll keep plugging away though. I’ve got too great of a family and am blessed way too much to stay bogged down for long.

On a positive note, I am exercising again. I am training for the Riverbend 10K in Chattanooga on June 19th and will eventually train for the Healdsburg Wine Country ½ Marathon on Halloween. Accomplishing these goals is imperative for my self esteem. Please pray that I stay injury free.

I’m also enjoying a couple of good sermon series via the internet. Fellowship Bible Church in Brentwood, TN has a good one going on Genesis and Christ Community Church in Franklin, TN has a good one going on the book of Daniel. Check them out. If you are like me, a good teacher can truly enhance your understanding of the Bible.

Check out our Mentor page on the Advanced Bionics web site if you have any cochlear implant questions.

Out.

Max

2010-05-08T21:01:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts on Max. Steph and I are currently trying to decide whether or not Max needs a second implant. He is doing really well in school, but I see his hearing struggles on a daily basis. It is almost impossible for him to hear in a noisy situation, such as the lunchroom at school, or in the car with the windows rolled down. Is it worth the low percentage risk of surgery to get him the second implant? Will he be happy that we did this for him in the long run, or will he be mad that he has to deal with the extra hardware? I wish that I could snap my fingers and presto chango, Max instantly has a second implant. Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way, especially in the Hawkins household. I don't know what we'll do. Max's surgeon is so confident and seems to have Max's best interests at heart (he has a disabled child as well). I don't know. I just don't know. I asked God for an obvious sign for me to say yes or no, but I haven't seen it yet. Maybe I haven't prayed hard enough. I don't know.

Check Out My New Blog "Diary Of A Wimpy Runner".

2010-05-08T20:45:00.002-05:00

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Sounds From The Hockey Playoffs

2010-04-22T15:21:00.000-05:00

Obviously I wish Max and Claire had been born with normal hearing, but there are times when I am “happy” that my kids were born with a hearing loss. Here are a few of those times. I hope you enjoy them!

1.Sitting in the nosebleed seats at Nashville Predators games, particularly after the Preds score a goal. “Na na, na na na na na na, Hey! You s*ck! We’re gonna beat the h*ll out of you! You! You! You! You!” This is the cheer that the fans yell at the opposing team after we score a goal. So far, I have been able to edit “h*ll” to “stew” and I don’t think that Max has picked up on the word “s*ck”!

2.Any time that Daddy loses his temper. Even though I try to catch myself, I know that I’ve let a few explicative fly in front of Max and Claire (mainly in Nashville traffic). I’m pretty sure that the kids have not deciphered any of these choice words or phrases.

3.Whenever anyone in my family is discussing politics these days. We are not big fans of the current administration, but I don’t want to show disrespect for the President in front of my kids. Hearing loss has edited some comments or conversations when I have been unable or unwilling to do so, on my own!

4.On the occasion that Stephanie and I get in to an argument after Max and Claire have gone to bed. Waking up to the sound of your parents yelling at each other can’t be a good thing. Not that Steph and I would ever raise our voices to one another!

5.Any time that I want to watch a movie or sports after bed time. When the kids take their Bionic Ears off, I can turn the movie up or yell as loud as I want to and not suffer the consequences!

6.In the future, when Max and Claire go to college. I can’t count the number of times when I wished that I could not hear in the dorm or in my apartment. How many more hours of sleep could I have gotten if I had only been able to “turn off my ear”!

Hopefully you know me well enough to realize that I am being sarcastic. There are no times when I am truly happy that my kids were born without natural hearing. Thankfully however, they are doing well enough with their cochlear implants, that I can find the humor or practicality of hearing loss in certain situations. I hope that you are able to do the same with your specific situation!

Is Bob Dylan a President?

2010-03-14T20:33:00.002-05:00

So I am wearing a Bob Dylan t-shirt this evening. It has a head shot of him placed in the middle of a hot air balloon. Bob’s name is written underneath. Max saw it after I put it on and immediately asked me if the picture was that of a President named Bob. I wish!

Anyway, I just thought that I would give everyone a heads up on what has been going on with the Hawkins family lately. Spring baseball started recently for Max. He is playing machine pitch ball this year and we actually play with rules! I can’t wait. I was so tired of coaching baby baseball. It will be good for the kids to see that everyone can’t win all of the time and that you can’t stay on base even if you make an out. That kind of coddling drives me insane. Unfortunately, we have only been able to complete one practice because of the rain. Why do we play baseball in the early spring? It rains every other day! Max continues to do well in school. He recently made the Principal’s “favorite” list for a 100 on his spelling test and exhibiting outstanding handwriting. He did not get the handwriting skills from me! I think that Max may also be developing an interest in hockey. He loves the Pred’s and we went skating on Saturday. Unfortunately, he must complete a skating class in order to play in a league. I just don’t know when we will have time. I also don’t know how he could wear the hockey helmet. I don’t think that I could cut a space out for his “ear” like I did with his baseball helmet, so he would have to play with no hearing. I don’t know if that would be a character building experience or just frustrating.

Claire continues to be the apple of my eye. I don’t know if my heart is big enough to contain all of the love that I have for that girl! She is a pistol, but that makes her even dearer to me. I love that big girl. She is doing well in school and her talking continues to improve bit by bit. I am worried about her being ready for mainstreamed kindergarten, but I think that she will make it. Claire is so smart. She just seems not to put out the same efforts to please that Max did. I guess part of that is just her personality (knothead). I know that God has big plans for her. He just isn’t working on my schedule. I’ll learn to be patient one of these days. On a side note, I don’t mean to write less about Claire. Max is just in a life stage where I tend to live through him vicariously. I know that’s probably not a great thing, but hey. I’m just a dumb dad!

I am so blessed. I love my kids and I love my wife. Things don’t always go my way, but my family always picks me up when I am down. Pray for us. We’ll take all of the blessings that we can get. See ya!

Lamentations....

2010-02-13T09:01:00.000-06:00

I watched a video that one of my friends posted on Facebook yesterday. The video showed his eight year old son giving his testimony about accepting Jesus Christ in to his life and his subsequent baptism. Watching the experience brought tears to my eyes, for a couple of reasons. The first reason is because the video depicted a very touching moment in the life of that family. The second reason had a more selfish connotation. The second reason was that I was jealous that my children were born without their hearing. Listening to the young man articulate his feelings about Christ caused me to feel pain for Max and Claire. I know that they have wonderful thoughts and feeling swimming around in their heads, but many times they have trouble sharing and articulating these feelings, ideas or thoughts. How frustrating this must be for them!

Yes, Max is doing well in mainstreamed school, but how much better would he be doing if he was born with the gift of normal hearing? How much more would he enjoy talking to his friends? How many more friends would he have? How much deeper would our conversations be? Would his 80’s and 90’s on his test scores be 95’s and 100’s?

The same feelings hold true for Claire. She is coming along with her speech, but she is so far behind her peers and even where Max was at her age. There is so much going on in that beautiful little head of hers and I just want her to be allowed to let it all out! I know that her social skills will continue to improve, but the process is so tedious and frustrating.

I usually don’t let myself get bogged down with the “what ifs” of life, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Often times, something just touches me and releases these feelings of frustration, pain and even resentment. I wonder why my children have to struggle with the burden of hearing loss. Life is hard enough without added handicaps. It is during these times that I must remind myself that God has a wonderful plan for them. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Blizzard 2010 !!!!!

2010-01-31T19:39:00.002-06:00

Well, I haven’t seen this much snow in Nashville since the mid-nineties! We usually get a couple of dustings every year, but a 6” snow is a pretty rare event. People from up north will probably laugh, but school was shut down on Friday and I closed up the warehouse around 10am. You guys just don’t understand. People in the south “freak out” when it snows. I’m guessing that it would have taken me over an hour to get home if I had worked all day ( 7 mile drive ). My dad, who lives in Chattanooga, said that it took him over three hours to get home from work on Friday! That was probably about an eight or nine mile drive.

We had a big time when we woke up on Saturday. I got my snow gear out and set forth on a little adventure to check out the roads. They were pretty dicey, but my little all wheel drive Subaru was a champ. I could barely make it slide even when I tried to do it on purpose. I came back home, picked up the kids and the wife and headed for the sledding slopes of Crockett Park. I bet there were fifty or sixty people sledding when we arrived. Everyone was having a blast. A few people even had some snow ramps built for sled jumping!

After a while, we decided that Crockett Park was too tame, so we headed for the hill at Edmonson Elementary School. Now this is a pretty steep hill. Luckily, there is a little ditch at the bottom which slows you down before you hit the road. The first few rides were great. They were super fast and super smooth. Unfortunately, my luck did not last. Claire and I decided to take a run together. A few seconds after we got started, our disk turned around backwards. This would have been fine, but I did not see the dip that was quickly approaching. We hit the dip doing about 100 mph and were thrown in to a serious back flip. I did not land on Claire, but I did land on my face. It was pretty embarrassing to arrive back at the top of the hill spitting out blood from a busted lip! Claire was a little shaken up and chose to sit out the rest of the runs. Max was a machine. He could have sledded for several more hours.

A quick aside….We dropped out AB “ears” in the snow several times and they are still working fine!

Anyway, we had a great weekend. We had a blast in the snow, Kentucky creamed Vanderbilt, the Predators thrashed the Thrashers and Chris Smith delivered a great sermon at Harpeth Hills. On to work tomorrow. Here’s to praying for a good week!

See ya! Greg

Family Update

2010-01-18T18:13:00.000-06:00

What have we been up to over the past few weeks? Hmm. Let’s see. As you know, we got a hamster named Tom for Christmas. Claire turned four on January 10th and we decided to get her a hamster of her own. She decided that she would name her hamster Tom as well. Very original of her. Unfortunately, Tom # 2 died yesterday. We are not sure why, but we have a pretty good idea that it was from sheer terror. Claire gets a little excited with the hamsters. So, yesterday afternoon we replaced Tom # 2 with Tom # 3. Tom # 3 is a big guy and seems very sturdy. I think he will fair a little better. The funny thing is that Tom # 3 has some anatomy that Tom # 1 does not have. So, it seems that Tom # 1 is actually a Tomette and we will need to rename him….her.

We also received a little snow here in Nashville last weekend. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to have some fun sledding. My mom and dad were up for Claire’s birthday, so they got to share in the snowy fun. Dad had a big time pushing the kids on the sled. I hope we get a bigger snow at some point this winter, so we can do some real sledding.

I am trying to learn to play my new guitar and I am training for the Country Music ½ Marathon. I’m not sure which is more difficult. I am sure which one is more fun! I finished last in my group on our 5 mile run on Saturday. That didn’t do much for the old confidence. I wish I had someone to play my guitar with. You can find a lot of good lessons on YouTube and the internet, but that gets old after a while.

Stephanie starts her new job next week. I hope she likes it. She is a great talent and I know that she will surpass her new boss’s expectations. She is training for the ½ marathon as well. She beat me in the 5 mile run by 10 minutes. Uhg.

Anyway, the kids are well. Max is doing great in school and Claire continues to improve her skills. I can’t wait for “Clearvoice” from Advanced Bionics to come out. It is new software and I hear that the clarity is nothing short of a miracle. The FDA needs to get the lead out and approve this thing. I know that it will do wonders for Max and Claire. Check it out on the Advanced Bionics web site.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-30T13:48:00.001-06:00

Another Christmas has come and gone and we are about to move in to a new decade. Time really seems to be moving at a breakneck pace these days. I hope it doesn’t seem that way for Max and Claire. I pray that they are able to enjoy this innocent and joyful time in their lives, before the stresses of the world catch up with them. Sometimes I wonder how much stress hearing loss has added to their lives. Do they face frustration with learning skills? Are they shunned from peer groups because their social skills are a little behind? Do I question their obedience, when they may have just not heard what I said? I don’t know. I don’t suppose I’ll ever know, because this is life as they know it.

On the other hand, I do feel that hearing loss is keeping them innocent just a little longer than most kids. Even though Max is doing great in school and sports and has many friends, I feel like he still has the heart of a younger child. I think that he misses out on the environment around him, just enough to shelter him from some of the unwholesome things other kids are exposed to. My experience with Claire is the same. Even though she challenges my patience on a daily basis, I feel like I can still play with my almost four year old as though she were only two. She still seems to be my baby.

As I said, time seems to be slipping by so quickly at the moment. I am afraid that I am not stopping to smell the roses and that I am letting my own stress affect my relationship with Max and Claire. That being said, maybe I should make a couple of New Year resolutions for 2010. My first resolution is to make 4:30pm until 9pm during the week, Max and Claire time. This means no napping on the couch when I get home, no Facebook when I get home and certainly much less TV time for all of us when I get home. We will play games, play Nerf dart wars and wrestle! My next resolution is to spend more time with Max on his school work and more time with Claire doing therapy type activities. I watched a video of Max the other day. It was filmed when he was 2 ½. I feel like he was so much further along with his speaking skills that Claire is now. I really want to catch her up and not cheat her out of a mainstreamed life.

My last resolution doesn’t really have to do with the kids. But I am determined to run the Music City ½ Marathon this year. I start training on January 9th. Please pray for me. I will need it! Running is not my thing.

A few things the kids got for Christmas…… Red Rider BB Gun, Tom the Hamster (real), Ice Skates and a Bicycle!!!!!

Here’s to hoping 2010 is the best year of our lives! Happy New Year!!!!!!

Greg

Daddy! Airplane!

2009-12-05T18:21:00.002-06:00

I already posted this on Facebook, so if this is redundant, I apologize. Claire was playing in our living room this morning when a helicopter flew over our house. I was upstairs when I heard her yell, “Daddy! Airplane!”. Obviously, the fact that she could hear the helicopter at all will always be a blessing. However, the fact that she could distinguish what the sound was is a true sign of progress and testament to the miracle of cochlear implants. With a cochlear implant, noise is not just “noise”; noise is a validation of the environment surrounding the user. A cochlear implant is the tool that allows the user to truly interact with that environment. What an awesome lifestyle experience these implants provide! Can you imagine the difference between a life of silence or extremely distorted noise vs. a life where sounds are rich and clear? If not, I suggest that you walk around with ear plugs in your ears for a couple of days, and then you might begin to truly appreciate this wonderful medical device. Life is full of struggles for our family, but our lives are also full of countless blessings!

I am thankful for.....

2009-11-25T18:05:00.000-06:00

Let's see.... What am I thankful for? I've been focusing on the negative lately, so this should be a good exercise for me. I am thankful for a beautiful, kind hearted, hard working, intelligent, loving wife, who is an awesome mother to Max and Claire. I am thankful for two wonderful children, who happen to be deaf. I can't imagine my life without their smiles, hugs, kisses and laughter. Max has the biggest heart I've ever seen and Claire gives the best hugs and kisses. They will melt your heart! I am thankful for my Mom and Dad. Everyone would be a better person if they had parents like mine. I am thankful for my grandparents who are still with me. I haven't always been the best grandson, but they have always been the best grandparents. I am thankful for my little sister. I wish that I was more like her. I am thankful for Christian in-laws who gave me such a wonderful wife. I am thankful for all of my extended family. I don't have very many close friends, but I am thankful for the ones that I do have. You know who you are! I am thankful for my church and church family. I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for David Lipscomb Campus School and all of the wonderful teachers who work there. I am thankful for Mama Leer Hearing School. Katie and Rob rock!! I am thankful for Eggleston Children’s' Hospital and Vanderbilt Children’s' Hospital. They are doing God's work. I am thankful for Advanced Bionics and all of their outstanding employees. I am thankful for doctors David Haynes and Wendell Todd. I am thankful for Mary Anne Costa and Edie Gibson. I am thankful for all of my earthly blessings. I am thankful to be an American and a Southerner. I am the most thankful for Jesus Christ. I am thankful for countless things. I hope you are as well. Oh yeah. I'm thankful that the Titan's will not go 0-16 :)

Claire's Mickey Mouse SKINIT

2009-11-24T10:37:00.000-06:00

This is not the best picture, but Claire's Mickey Mouse SKINITs came in last night. She was very excited!

Nashville Predators SKINIT !!!!

2009-11-16T17:45:00.001-06:00

Well this is really cool. I learned about SKINIT at the Advanced Bionics seminar. This company is known for making "skins" for cell phones, PDA's, laptops, etc. However, they also make "skins" for the Advanced Bionics Harmony. You can chose from just about any pro or college sports team, kids' theme or you can even design your own. I obviously suggest the Nashville Predators "skin". Your kids will love them (Max does) and their friends will envy them! I'm starting to sound like an infomercial. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about something fun for your kids. Claire's should arrive shortly! Oh yeah. http://www.skinit.com/

The Parable Of The Lost Ear....

2009-11-15T21:23:00.000-06:00

Oh the ups and downs of a cochlear implant family (especially ours). Upon the completion of a fairly cruddy week and a weekend that did not go as I had planned, I decided that I needed a break. So instead of going to our weekly "small group" at church, I decided to lay out and watch football instead. Stephanie decided to give me some alone time and took the kids to group by herself. While they were gone, I fell asleep in my red sleeping chair and woke up about an hour later in some sort of nappy, sleep induced stupor. No more than five minutes after I woke up, I received a phone call from Stephanie. I figured she was calling to ask me what I wanted for dinner. I wish. Stephanie informed me that Claire had lost her new "ear" at church! She said that everyone had searched high and low with no luck. "Crap." I scoured the house, the garage and the yard and struck out as well. "Double Crap!!" As those of you with implants know, these things are worth several thousand dollars. Advanced Bionics does offer a one time replacement service, but I didn't want to use that up this early in the game. Anyway, needless to say, Stephanie and I were in a very foul mood. Until about ten minutes ago that is. We received a knock at the door, which is rare for 9pm on a Sunday night. When I opened the door, who did I see? Martina McBride!!!! Just kidding. I saw Jake, our teenage next door neighbor. Jake likes to take walks late in the evening. Well, Jake found Claire's ear!! It was laying on the side of the road just a few feet from our yard. Way to go Jake! We owe you one. I guess there's really no moral to my parable. I'm just glad Claire's ear was found and that we managed to avoid a crappy ending to a crappy week :)

Mentor Training 2009; Advanced Bionics; Valencia, CA

2009-11-09T15:28:00.003-06:00

What a wonderful experience. From the incredible Advanced Bionics Staff to the other BEA Mentors, our trip was truly a blessing. I knew that I was pleased with our decision to go with Advanced Bionics implants for both of our children before this trip, but now I have no doubt that we made the best choice. When making our initial decisions, we obviously did some research, most of it involving the number of meningitis cases, implant failure rate, etc. What we did not realize during our research however, was the fact that AB outpaces its competitors in the area of technology by a long shot. All of the cochlear implant companies seem to produce a very reliable product, but the advances in AB's product are amazing to say the least. I don't have the time or the expertise to explain all of the advancements in a short post, but if you are thinking about an implant for your child, please check out the Advanced Bionics web site. There is a link toward the bottom of my blog.

While technology should steer your decision in choosing a cochlear implant, the people that make up the implant company should also serve as a rudder. I've been to many conferences throughout my professional career, during most of which I couldn't wait for the ending. However the Advanced Bionics seminar was totally different. I have never before seen such an excellent, well prepared, knowledgeable, eloquent group of presenters. From the CEO on down the line, I have never met a more gracious, sincere group of representatives.The most interesting part of our trip, was the tour of the manufacturing facility. We were allowed to see the Advanced Bionics implant assembly process. It was pretty cool to say the least. We had some fun as well. Our hosts took us to a great Italian restaurant on Friday night. I don't remember the name, but I do remember that it was GOOD.

Anyway, Advanced Bionics is not paying me to say all of this. It is the truth based upon my experience. If any parents out there have any questions please feel free to send me an e-mail.

See ya.

October 2009 : Hawkins Family Update

2009-10-27T13:05:00.002-05:00

Max brought home his first, 1st grade report card last week. He received "E's" (excellent) in Math, Reading, Social Studies, and Spelling! Way to go Max! Stephanie and I are so proud. It still amazes me that Max could hear nothing when he was born and now he excels in school and reads at almost a second grade level.

Max is playing Flag Football this fall. He likes defense the best. This past Saturday, he "sacked" the other teams quarterback in the end zone and scored his team a safety. You can tell that Max is very proud when he pulls a flag. He always looks over to make sure that I am watching.

Claire is also doing well. She continues to make strides in her program at Vanderbilt. Her new "ear" seems to be working well and if she concentrates, she can make complete sentences. Claire knows her A,B,C,'s and she can count to 20. I'm a little more concerned with her social skills than her academic skills, but hopefully she is on the path to a "mainstreamed" childhood. I know she can do it. Claire just has her own agenda at times.

Stephanie and I are heading to Valencia, California in a couple of weeks to attend Mentor Training at Advanced Bionic's corporate headquarters. We are really looking forward to the experience. It will be fun to meet other families that share our life experiences. Learning to help others cope and make important decisions regarding hearing excites us as well. I'll give everyone a report and hopefully post some pictures when we return.

See ya!

Claire Is Officially Bi-lateral!

2009-08-26T18:35:00.003-05:00

Well, Claire is officially "bi-lateral"! Her new ear was turned on today. As you can see from the video, it was a little loud when Kathy first turned it on. She almost started crying. However, Claire is my tough little warrior and finished today's process with flying colors. I'll keep you posted as the adjustment period continues. Everything is wonderful for now and we are expecting great things!

Claire Is Bi-Lateral !!!!

2009-08-13T20:11:00.002-05:00

I didn't even cry this time! I'm not saying that it was easy and that I didn't have mixed feelings and fears, but I made it through this surgery more easily than the others.

My day started out fine. Stephanie stayed at home with Claire on Tuesday morning. This meant that she got to deal with a three year old until 1pm that had not eaten since 9pm the previous evening. Poor Stephanie. I was lucky enough to focus on work for a while, so the stress of Claire's upcoming surgery was kept at bay (for a while). At around 12pm on my way home to help take Claire to the hospital, I started to feel it. I felt the fear, the angst, the doubt and the sadness. I teared up pulling in to our neighborhood. The feelings subsided some during the process of getting Claire to Vanderbilt. I was distracted with the stress of getting her stuff, Claire and Max out the door. This reprieve lasted until we were led to the pre-surgery waiting room and Claire started putting on her little scrubs. The scrubs made it all real for me again. The stress built with the visit from the Child Services specialist, the nurses, the anesthesiologist and the Head Resident. I was about at my boiling point when Dr. Haynes came by to see us. Let me tell you, this guy has some seriously good bedside manner. He immediately put me at ease with his confidence. I could just see it in his eyes. Nothing bad was going to happen to my little girl.

Claire got her "happy" medicine, they wheeled her back to surgery and I was at peace (or maybe I was just really hungry). I decided after breakfast that I would fast with Claire until her surgery in solidarity. I'm not telling you this to brag, I'm telling you because it was not a very good idea. When they wheeled Claire back to surgery, I had a hard time focusing on her. I was starving. All I wanted to do was make it down to the food court! Anyway, Dr. Haynes let us know before leaving, that Claire should be out of surgery around 5:45pm. Well, what do you know? Dr. Haynes showed up in our waiting room at 5:45pm on the dot! Incredible! With prayers, family and friends, Claire and I both made it through the surgery with flying colors! The only time that the fear crept in, was during Claire's recovery time. We were mistaken about how long it would take Claire to wake up from her anesthetic and I started getting pretty worried when we were well passed my assumed "wake-up time" for Claire. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the nurses let us know that Claire was doing great and they led us back to recovery.
What a beautiful sight my baby girl was. Claire was very groggy, but she still managed a smile at her Mommy and Daddy when we walked in the room. What a strong, brave girl Claire is. She is my little warrior!

Thank you to all of our friends and family for your prayers. Thank you to God for giving Claire angels to watch over her. Thank you to Vanderbilt Children's' Hospital, Dr. Haynes and his amazing staff for doing such a wonderful job!

Claire's new implant will be activated on August 26th. Pray that all goes well so Claire will be truly bi-lateral and hearing in stereo. I'll post a video. See ya!

2 Funny Stories and an Implant Date....

2009-06-29T13:05:00.003-05:00

First of all, Claire's surgery for her second implant is scheduled for August 11th. Keep her in your prayers.

A couple of weeks ago, Claire, Max, Stephanie and I were eating at a local "meat and three" called the City Cafe. As usual, Claire finished her meal before everyone else and decided that she wanted to wander around the restaurant. This was fine, because the City Cafe is very casual and most of the customers enjoyed watching Claire. However, not paying much attention to what Claire was doing, I did not notice that she had grabbed the check for our meal off the table. This wouldn't have been a big deal, but the next thing I knew, I saw that Claire had given our check to an innocent elderly gentleman a few tables down! Being the generous person that I am, I let him pay our tab. (just kidding)

We celebrated Max's 7th birthday this past Saturday at Crockett Park. While trying to take care of Max's guests, I noticed that he and a couple of his friends had gathered around a light post and were staring at the ground. Max saw me looking at them and called for me to come over. All of the kids pointed at the ground showing me what they thought to be a gravestone. Max insisted that a person was buried at this spot and informed me that the name of the deceased was "Electric". While this was some good reading on Max's part, I decided that I really need to teach him the difference between a gravestone and an in-ground electricity box!

See ya...

Implant # 2 Approved

2009-06-19T14:45:00.002-05:00

The process of Claire getting a second implant seems to be going smoothly thus far. The staff at Vanderbilt gave her the thumbs up a couple of weeks ago and we received an approval from our insurance company yesterday. I don't want to make this a political blog, but our health care system here in the United States is the best in the world. I love our insurance company, I love Vanderbilt and I love Claire's medical staff. I'll let it go at that.

Claire also started occupational therapy last week. Evidently she isn't using some of her muscle groups properly, which may be affecting her speech. Her therapist thinks that Claire can catch up with around 6 months of therapy. They worked on "licking" the other day. I wondered why Claire came up to me and started licking my arm. Luckily Stephanie was there to explain it to me. I thought maybe I just smelled like ice cream!

Max is well in to his sports camp season. He completed Vandy's soccer camp a couple of weeks ago and finished Vandy's baseball camp today (in the scorching heat!). He earned a special jersey at both camps and I'm pretty sure he was the "favorite" camper at both places! I'm so proud of that little guy. He makes me feel 10 feet tall! By the way, everything that Vandy does is A+ excellent. I recommend getting your kids involved there as much as you can. Thanks to all of the coaches.

We also spoke to Edie Gibson of Advanced Bionics this week about getting involved with their mentoring program. I've never though of myself as the mentoring type, but Stephanie and I are happy to help in any way possible. Advanced Bionics has been very good to us and I have no problem recommending them to others.

Talk to you next time.

Going Bi-lateral

2009-05-29T15:22:00.002-05:00

Well. I never thought that I would say this, but it looks like we are going bi-lateral with Claire. I still hate the thought of more elective surgery and I still don't like the idea of the extra hardware, but after much thought, many questions and one last meeting with her surgeon, Stephanie and I feel like the positives of a second implant vastly outweigh the negatives.

Some might say, "What about the science of hair cell regeneration? If you get her another implant, won't you deprive her of that technology?" As I understand it, we are still at least twenty years away from hair cell regeneration being a possibility. If she goes that long without stimulus in her left ear, her auditory nerve most likely won't work properly any more and the new hair cells would be useless (Stephanie, correct me if I'm wrong!) We also must not forget that she will miss out on twenty years of listening and language skills that she can receive with a second implant.

Others might question the risks of surgery. That is my greatest fear as well. However, Claire's doctor eased my nerves during our last meeting and explained to me again that the risks are minimal. He didn't say this, but a CI surgery has been compared to a tonsillectomy as far as risks go. Am I to deny Claire the highest quality of life because of my personal fears of a minor surgery?

Still others might say that we are tempting fate with another surgery. Well, I don't believe in fate. I believe in God and I believe that God blessed us with Claire and Max for a reason. I know that part of this reason is to give them the most love, the best care and the greatest set of opportunities that they can possibly imagine. I believe that a second implant is part of this process for Claire and I know that God will take care of her. I don't mean to preach at you, that's just what I believe.

So long for now. I'll keep you posted. I'm guessing that the surgery will take place late this summer. Keep us in your prayers.

Greg

Nashville Sounds Link

2009-05-18T15:31:00.001-05:00

I posted a link for something the Nashville Sounds recently did for the hearing impaired community in Nashville. Please look at my links and check out the article. Thanks.

Random Thoughts

2009-05-16T21:01:00.003-05:00

I think we have a meeting with Claire's ENT next week. I wonder if we will begin the journey of a second implant? If we begin it with her, I wonder if we will begin it with Max. How do these things creep up on me?

Max is a super reader! His first two years at David Lipscomb have truly been a blessing. I'm pretty sure that Mrs. Felts and Mrs. Seay are angels sent from Heaven. Praise God for their hearts.

Max is signed up for 4 sport camps this summer. Vandy soccer, Vandy baseball, Lipscomb baseball and Lipscomb soccer. Either we are crazy or he will have an outstanding few weeks.

We went to Claire's class picnic and yearly reunion today. We saw Ellie, Jase and Henry. Where does the time go? All of the Mama Lear graduates seem to be doing awesome! Vanderbilt has a great program. Thank you to all of the deaf education teachers.

I am so proud of Max and Claire. If only I had Max's heart and Claire's iron will (Claire has a sweet heart too!). Everyone could learn a thing or two from both of these kids. Max never has an unkind word for anyone and is always eager to include other kids. He knows that he belongs and loves God. Claire has a determination that will serve her well throughout her life. I know that as she encounters trials, she will pass them with flying colors. She is my little trooper.

Institutions blessed by God: Egleston Children's' Hospital, The Auditory Verbal Center of Atlanta, Mama Lere Hearing School, Vanderbilt Children's' Hospital, David Lipscomb Elementary School, Advanced Bionics

Anyway, thanks to all of our readers. I appreciate your comments and especially your prayers. Talk to you soon!

The decisions never end....

2009-04-17T20:38:00.004-05:00

Can I just take a minute to feel sorry for myself? I think I will.

Sometime I feel like the responsibility of making life altering decisions for my children will overwhelm me. I thought that Max and Claire had all of their hospital time logged, but now I don't know. Claire is doing better with her implant, but she is still lagging behind Max's pace. Everyone seems to think that the obvious answer to catching her up is a second implant. I can see the benefits of that option, but the thought of subjecting her to another surgery makes me weak in the knees. I know how safe the procedure is and I know how skilled her surgeon is. However, there is always a small risk, even with the least invasive procedures. Will the second implant improve her learning rate? Will it work as well as the first one. If I knew the answers to these questions, the decision might be a little easier. I don't however, so as usual, the decision is not easy at all.

This leads to another question. If we get Claire a second implant, should we do the same for Max? He is doing well in school, but could he do even better if he had a second implant? Am I holding him back because I am scared to do this for him? The thought of putting my big man through another surgery makes me sick. He is vibrant, healthy, smart and loving. Should we take any risk considering how well he is doing? Am I keeping him from accomplishing great things by not taking that risk?

I just don't know and all of these decisions make me weary. I know that I should give the stress to God, but many times that is easier said than done. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure that God will lead our family in the right direction. If there is anyone out there that has bi-lateral implants or has a child with bi-lateral implants, I would value your opinion.

Max says he has 5 girlfriends now, by the way!!!
Claire's favorite word is hey-ya!!

Ladies' Man...

2009-02-27T14:32:00.002-06:00

It seems that Max is quite the ladies' man. When I arrived to pick Max up from school the other day, he came out with a funny grin on his face and told me that he was mad at me. When I asked him "Why?", he told me that he wanted to stay at school longer and play with his girlfriend! (who shall remain nameless) "I want you to pick me up later, tomorrow." he said. Hilarious!

Even more funny, on the way home Max told me that he has another girlfriend on the side. I asked him what her name is. He said that he wasn't sure, but was certain that this girl is his girlfriend. When I asked him how he came to this conclusion, Max said " I know she is my girlfriend, because when I look at her, she smiles at me. That's how you know!" Smart man, smart man.....

I mainly posted this little story because i think that it is funny. However, I also posted the story because it is yet another example of how kids with cochlear implants can lead wonderful and exciting lives, just like any other kid!

Mama Lere Hearing School

2009-01-25T20:56:00.002-06:00

Hi Everyone. It's been a long, long, long time since I last posted. My apologies. The kids had a fun Christmas and I am happy to have a normal life again!

Anyway, Claire turned three on January 10th! I can't believe how old she is and how big she is getting. Claire is one of my greatest challenges (just like her mommy :), but she is also one of my greatest joys.

One of the perks of living in Davidson County (Nashville) is that they have some decent programs for disabled children. One of these perks is an early intervention program for the hearing impaired. This program allows children that are deaf or hard of hearing to begin school at Vanderbilt's Mama Lere Hearing School when they turn three. Believe it or not, the county picks up the bill. How awesome is that?

Well, Claire started school this past Tuesday. I hated to pull her out of the West End Church of Christ program and I was sad that Miss Elsie wouldn't get to spend as much time with Claire. However. Stephanie and I both knew that Mama Lere was the best thing for Claire. They use an Auditory Oral teaching method, which is a little different from Auditory Verbal, but I have seen the school's results and they do a great job.

We already know that we made the best decision for Claire. Before Claire started school, she would talk to her family, but not to people in public. After one day at Mama Lere, she was already turning in to more of a chatter box. Her teacher said that Claire engaged the other children and spoke without being prompted. We do the best we can with Claire, but I know that letting her learn from dedicated teachers of the deaf will be such a blessing.

It is our prayer that Claire will be able to " main stream" by the time she begins kindergarten. We would appreciate your prayers as well. Thanks.

Max hears for the 1st time!! About 4 1/2 years ago.

2008-11-13T18:05:00.001-06:00

Claire hears for the 1st time !! About 1 1/2 years ago.

2008-11-13T17:05:00.002-06:00

It's been a while...

2008-10-25T16:20:00.005-05:00

It's been a while since I last posted. My apologies, it has been an exhausting fall thus far. Anyway, before I get back to Max and Claire, I want to take a moment and thank Advanced Bionics for putting us on their website. You can find a link on our blog.

Originally, I had planned on explaining Max and Claire's implant turn on days in great detail. However, I think that I would rather catch everyone up to their current lives. I will say this. Both Max and Claire's turn on days were blessed occasions and their lives have been full and happy ever since. Their cochlear implants are truly a miracle. I will do my best to post a video of each turn on day as soon as I can figure out how to do such a thing. I'm not the most computer savvy person in the world.

Max's implant was turned on around five years ago in Atlanta, GA. He is now six. Even though he was born deaf, Max lives a wonderful life. He is in pre-first grade at David Lipscomb Elementary School in Nashville, TN. His talented teacher, Mrs. Seay says that Max is in the class's top reading group and that there is nothing keeping him from graduating at the top of his high school class! He enjoys playing soccer and baseball. Unfortunately, he also likes to watch cartoons and play on the computer. As most parents know, it's a tough balancing act to manage. He is an awesome kid. His speech is behind that of his peers, but he is quickly catching up with the help of my awesome wife Stephanie and the Auditory Verbal Therapy that he receives through Emily at Vanderbilt's Bill Wilkerson Center.

Claire will be three in January of 2009 and her implant was turned on when she was fifteen months old. I know that I should not compare their hearing journeys, but it is almost impossible for me not to do so. While Max passed most of his speech milestones quickly and with flying colors, Claire is a different child. She is a very smart little girl and completely capable of great achievements. However, she is definitely moving along a bit more slowly that Max. In my opinion, her slower progress is probably a combination of several circumstances. Number one, Claire is just different from Max. While Max was eager to please during his therapy sessions, Claire is without a doubt a stronger willed child. She can do what is asked of her, the problem is, she just does it when she wants to. We are also a busier family than when Max was born. We have two kids instead of one, Stephanie now works full time and we have done a poor job of avoiding the rat race. ( Have I mentioned how great Stephanie is? Not only is she a "looker", she is also a full time HR Manager and still finds time to teach Claire's therapy on a consistent basis. She also manages to take care of Max and me. Stephanie is awesome! ) The final reason that Claire is coming around a little more slowly ( in my opinion ) is that I assumed she would automatically be on par with Max in the speech process. This caused me to become lax in my help with Claire's sessions. I guess I just assumed that she would absorb her vocabulary from Max through some sort of weird osmosis. Don't get me wrong. Claire's implant is working great and she has become quite the little speech trooper. She is quickly learning her colors and numbers and seems to say something new just about every day. I think that she enjoys music as well. I caught her dancing to the tunes today at San Antonio Taco Company! She is Daddy's precious girl. We are debating a second implant to give her more sound, but that is another discussion for another day.

Like I said earlier, I'll try to post their "turn on" videos ASAP. Thanks for reading.

My Ear Is Magic !!

2008-09-11T19:35:00.004-05:00

I feel the need to postpone Max's journey for one post and just take some time to brag on my son. I know that I am a little biased here, but Max is the bravest, strongest, most confident little boy that I have ever met. When another child asks Max "What's that thing on your head?", it is extremely hard for me not to step in and answer for him. Surprisingly, I have done a pretty good job with letting Max take up for himself.

I remember one Sunday at church when Max was lining up with the other kids for children's' worship, a very precocious little girl came up to Max and asked him, "What is that thing on you head?" Max very matter-of-factly turned to the little girl and said "It's my ear and it's magic! It helps me hear."

Max is so much stronger than I! I remember another time at Green Hills Mall when a boy that was old enough to know better came up to Max and asked him if he was retarded. I wanted to tell the boy that Max was probably smarter than him, certainly had better manners and that Max could probably knock a knot on his head if he pushed the issue. I also wanted to grab the boy's mom and dad and tell them that they were pitiful parents and that they needed to teach their son some social skills. Max however, always as cool as a cucumber, looked at they boy and calmly explained that "that thing" was his ear and it helped him to hear.

What an example Max is for me! Just this past Saturday at the Vanderbilt baseball clinic a boy that was Max's partner for a throwing drill called him "hearing aide guy". I don't think that he said it with malice, but it still bugged me. It didn't bug Max though. He paid close attention to his baseball instructor and quickly mastered the drill long before his curious partner.

I love my son Max. He is my constant example in patience, friendliness, and good will towards others. Every day I strive to be more like him!

Max's Implant Surgery

2008-09-02T21:01:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. I've decided that I don't want to spend a lot of time on the months leading up to Max's surgery. I will however say this. Max was fitted with hearing aides and began attending the Auditory Verbal Center of Atlanta before he received his implant. I have no idea how much he could hear with the aides (if anything) and I don't know if they accomplished anything other than making me a nervous wreck with their continuous whistling. In retrospect however, I do know this. Getting an early start, working with Mary Anne at the AVCA was invaluable. Mary Anne got Max started off on the right foot and he hasn't looked back since.

Max remained ear infection free up until the day of his surgery. So on July 15th, 2003 we took 13 month old Max to Eggleston Childrens' Hospital and began his journey as a listening, speaking communicator. What a day! So much pain. So much joy. It's really difficult to describe.

Let's start with the pain. Handing Max over to the surgery nurse is the single most difficult task that I have ever performed in my entire life. I knew that Dr. Todd was one of the most respected pediatric surgeons in the world, but I did not want my baby to be put under for surgery. Period. Especially a surgery that was elective and seemed so invasive. I knew the facts about the low percentage of risk involved, but crap, this was my sweet baby boy and there was a risk! Anyway, Stephanie and I handed Max over, watched him leave with the nurse (I remember it vividly) and wept for the next ten minutes. I'm about to cry now just thinking about it. The surgery took around 3 1/2 to 4 hours, I can't remember exactly. Those were the most miserable hours of my life. No doubt. I was in serious mental pain and didn't want anybody, not even Stephanie to talk to me (a lot immature of me....I know). I did some serious pleading with God during those hours.

Now the joy! What do you know. God, Dr. Todd and my tough boy Max Dylan Hawkins all came through for me. I remember the sweet look on his swollen, bandaged face and head when they wheeled him in to the recovery room. He was breathing and looked like an angel. I remember even more clearly the look in his eyes when he awoke from the anesthesia. He was groggy for sure, but those were Max's wonderful eyes. They were full of wonder, comfort and love. He immediately smiled at all of his balloons, cards, Bert and Ernie and best of all, he smiled at his Mommy and Daddy. That was truly one of the most wonderful moments of my life thus far. In all honesty, it was one of the most wonderful days of my life. How many people get to embrace such a range of emotions in one day and end up with such a miraculous outcome. Max was truly on his way to hearing and speaking! He was on his way to hearing his Mommy and Daddy say, "I love you Max.", while Stephanie and I were on our way to hearing Max say, "I love you Mommy and Daddy." What a truly amazing day!

Back to Max

2008-08-14T20:35:00.003-05:00

Like I said a couple of posts ago, the news about Max's hearing cut me to the core. I have never been so devastated. Our family was however, blessed to be living in Atlanta when Max came in to the world. This was no coincidence and had to be providence. I am by no means an expert on the subject, but I do consider myself to be somewhat educated when it comes to hearing loss and cochlear implants. Believe me when I tell you this, there is no better place in the world than Atlanta, Georgia to deal with the news that your newly born child is deaf. Our initial audiologist, Edie Gibson (now with Advanced Bionics) was an angel. Max's post implant audiologist, Jolie Fainberg is second to none. Dr. Wendell Todd, Max's surgeon, is world renown and last but by no means least his Auditory Verbal therapist, MaryAnne Costin, stands heads and tails above her peers. (side-note....I know when my mom reads this, she is going to grimace at my punctuation, but I amexperiencing severe brain cramps. Sorry Mom!!!!)

Anyway, I tell you all of that in order to begin a transition in to the miracle of Max's current life. The time leading up to Max's surgery was tense. In order for the doctor to perform a cochlear implant surgery, the patient's ears must be free from fluid. Fluid is a sign of an ear infection and an ear infection mixed with ear surgery can lead to meningitis. This was a problem, because Max always seemed to have fluid in his ears. To solve this problem, Dr. Todd decided to put tubes in to Max's ears. So when he was around nine months old, Max got tubes in his ears. This seemed to help and kept Max infection free up until the time of his cochlear implant surgery.

Let me apologize. This post just isn't flowing and I really want to do a good job with the time leading up to and the day of Max's surgery. I will pick this back up when my head is a little more clear.

Thanks.

Claire Bear Continued.....

2008-08-06T21:07:00.004-05:00

Claire's hearing test, I remember it well. Even though it went unspoken between us, Stephanie and I were pretty nervous about Claire's test. I hadn't worried much about it throughout the pregnancy, but now that the time was finally here, it scared the crap out of me and I know that the fear had taken away a very tiny bit of joy from Claire's birth. The morning after Claire was born, the nurse came into our room and took her away for the hearing screening. We put on a brave face, but anyone that knew us well could tell what was on our mind.

A short time later, the audiologist on call came back with Claire's results. She had failed. I was numb and Stephanie was devastated. Both of us aged a couple of years in a couple of minutes. Knowing our family's background, the audiologist treated us with kid gloves. She implored us not to worry, citing the fact that Claire had fluid in her ears and that situation could easily have caused her to fail her screening. "Whatever." I thought. "I've heard that before." I knew in my heart that Claire was deaf. I wasn't devastated like I was with Max, but boy was I getting extremely tired of bad things happening to our family (and selfishly, bad things happening to me). The audiologist said that we could re-test the following day, after the fluid had time to drain from Claire's ears.

Stephanie prayed hard for a positive result. I prayed some, but I was pretty ticked at God and was beginning to think that He never listened to me anyway. The nurse came to get Claire the next day. I waited in the room for a few minutes. One of our friends came by and tried to comfort us while we were waiting for the results. I couldn't handle it and went to watch the test through the glass in the nursery. Not expecting anything positive, I was surprised to see the audiologist smile at me through the glass. She gave me the thumbs up! Claire had passed the test! I couldn't believe it. I sprinted back to the room and told Stephanie the wonderful news. Maybe all of our bad luck was behind us.

We happily took Claire home the next day. We were pretty relieved as you can imagine and we began our life with our second child. Life was pretty normal for the next few months. However, after Claire was around four or five months old, I started having doubts about her hearing. She was not babbling at all and she seemed to be a really heavy sleeper. I remember "parenting" one night when Stephanie was out with her friends. I think that Max was in bed and that Claire was asleep on the couch down stairs. The thought of Claire getting a false positive on her test was really starting to get to me, so I decided to conduct my own test. I turned my cell phone volume all the way up and placed the phone next to Claire's ear. It was a pretty pathetic sight. Anyway, I set off the ringer. Claire didn't budge. My fears began to grow, but I was not yet convinced. Stephanie and I would clap around Claire sometimes in order to get her attention. She seemed to respond to the claps most of the time. My fears were cemented when Claire was around ten months old. She was taking a nap in her crib upstairs when the smoke alarms went crazy and started to blear throughout the house. Claire didn't move a muscle. I knew she was deaf. Stephanie was not convinced. She recounted many stories to me about small children sleeping through smoke alarms. Evidently, it was some sort of phenomena.

We went through the next few months worrying and decided to have a conclusive test shortly after Christmas. We had to know the truth. At least the truth would help us move on and get some direction. We took Claire to the audiologist's office at Vanderbilt. She hooked Claire up to the machine and the test began. I could tell that it was not going well. With tears in her eyes, she gave us the bad news. Claire was deaf.

Like I said before, I promise that our story gets happier, so please hang in there. I'm really tired, so I'll try to pick this back up soon.

Claire Bear

2008-08-01T21:14:00.003-05:00

I'm kind of tired tonight, so I don't know how long or coherent this post will be. Here it goes anyway.

Claire Bear. Where do I begin? Claire Diane Hawkins is the apple of my eye. I know that most dads love their little girls, but I doubt that any dad could love their baby girl as much as I love mine! Just my opinion.

After Stephanie and I had Max, we were a little scared to have another child. We cherished Max of course, but we weren't sure if we wanted to take a chance on bringing another child with a disability in to the world. Before making the decision to have another baby, Stephanie and I decided to get some genetic testing done. We figured that if the geneticist found a recessive gene, we would not have another baby and just enjoy Max. We were living in Chattanooga at the time and were told that there was a great geneticist at Erlanger. The appointment was made, the tests were taken (ouch) and the results came in. No recessive gene was found. The geneticist told us however, that we still had an 8% chance of having another child with a hearing loss similar to Max's. We figured we could handle these odds and decided to go for it! Surely the odds would be with us and a second child would not have a hearing loss. Surely Max's hearing loss was caused by a stomach bug that Stephanie had during her first trimester.

Well, Stephanie became pregnant again during the summer of 2005 , much to my surprise. (just kidding) What a summer. We were in the process of moving back to Nashville and I was in the process of switching jobs. Have I told you guys that I am never satisfied? We somehow sold our house in Chattanooga and bought a new house in Brentwood. The move went fairly smoothly and our family was back in Nashville. This was something we had longed for over several years. We were happy, Stephanie was very pregnant and life was good.

Fast forward. Claire was born on January 10th, 2006 at Baptisit Hospital. The delivery went well, Stephanie and the baby were healthy and everything seemed well. Only one scary item loomed over the horizon, Claire's hearing test.

OK. I don't want to leave anyone "hangin'" as the kids say these days, but I am tired and I want to do a good job with this next part. I'll try to finish tomorrow night. Sorry.

God bless....

Where were we?

2008-07-29T21:46:00.003-05:00

Where were we? Oh yeah. I think that I had everyone depressed and that I was feeling sorry for myself. Well, let's continue Max's story and begin to brighten things up a little.

As my head was about to explode from the bomb that Stephanie had just dropped on me, she gave me a glimmer of hope in almost the same breath that sent me in to the darkness (that is just like her to be positive in a crappy situation). I think that I was babbling something about sign language when I actually started listening to what Stephanie was telling me. Edie our wonderful audiologist who worked in conjunction with Piedmont Hospital, quickly informed Stephanie about a miracle technology that could help the deaf hear. It was called a cochlear implant. "A cochlear implant?" I thought. "I've never heard of it. What in the world is it? Some kind of bionic ear?" Even with this new, somewhat positive thought in my head, I don't think that I calmed down much for a while. I told Stephanie to come straight home and that I wanted to see my baby. The time that passed while I was waiting for Stephanie and Max to get home is pretty vague to me. I remember all of the emotions that I mentioned in my earlier post, but nothing specific. Everything is just kind of a blur.

Anyway, Stephanie arrived a short time after our phone conversation. We cried together, hugged each other and held our newborn Max tightly. I know that Stephanie prayed for him, but I'm pretty sure that I was too mad at the time to do the same. Stephanie was obviously somewhat devastated, just as I was, but being the dad gummed optimist that she is, as soon as she regained her composure she began to tell me more about the cochlear implant. "Greg. They can put a computer chip inside his head! It has a wire that connects to his auditory nerve and allows him to hear! Edie said that the surgery is no more invasive than getting your tonsils out. She said that one of best pediatric ear nose and throat surgeons in the whole world works right here in Atlanta and that he could probably perform the surgery!"

God was beginning to work on my heart and to bless our lives through our precious son Max.

Stay tuned for more. I have to go to bed now. Max's sister, Claire hasn't let us sleep much the past few nights. See ya.

Max's Story....An Abbreviated Version

2008-07-27T16:36:00.003-05:00

Max Dylan Hawkins was born on June 25th, 2002 at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. It was a wonderful, perfect day. Max's delivery went quickly, relatively pain free (according to me) and without complication. Just a few hours after entering the hospital as nothing more than a semi-bald nervous father-to-be and a large (but beautiful), extremely pregnant mother-to-be, we were blessed with a healthy, handsome baby boy.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.... Stephanie's mother bouncing off the walls in the delivery room, feeling like I would drop the baby as the nurse almost tossed Max to me, the surprise in my grandfather's (Big Max) voice when we told him Max's name, the smiles on my parent's faces the first time that they laid eyes on the baby......Yes, it was a wonderful day.

The following days at the hospital went pretty much the same way they do for most new families. We slept a little, ate a lot and visited with more friends and family than I even new existed. We had one small hiccup, but didn't think much about it at the time. In Georgia, all newborn babies have their hearing tested. The nurse came in one morning and took Max back for his hearing test. Stephanie and I took this as nothing more than a time to catch a few quick winks, which we did. Shortly after leaving, the nurse returned with Max along with the audiologist who happened to be on call that day. She informed us that Max had not passed his hearing exam, but immediately put us at ease, explaining that many newborn babies fail their initial exam due to the fact that they have a great deal of fluid in their ears. She said that Stephanie could bring Max back in a few weeks after the fluid had time to clear and that most likely every thing would be fine.

Well, since really horrible things only happened to other people and since the audiologist seemed so confident that Max's failed hearing test was caused by fluid, I really didn't think anything else about it. We happily went home from the hospital, immediately kicked the dog's out of the house and attempted to acclimate ourselves to sleep in three hour intervals. Everything about our new arrival was as it should be. Max was proving to be the most wonderful blessing that Stephanie and I could ever imagine.

I don't remember a whole lot surrounding the days that led up to Max's audiology appointment. I do remember that Stephanie's brother and his dog spent the night with us for some reason. I also remember that I wasn't super happy with my job at the time and that I was supposed to take a placement test with a certain orange and white logoed, home improvement company the day after Max's appointment. Anyway, the day of the audiology appointment is still crystal clear in my brain. I was working from home that day, doing some paperwork and trying to schedule some sales calls in Eastern Tennessee for the rest of the week.

I remember Stephanie walking out the door with Max in his "bucket" and neither of us acting overly concerned about the upcoming exam. We new everything would be fine. What else should I have expected? We were God fearing, Church going people and nothing really horrible could ever happen to us. Well, I had experienced two other life altering phone calls in my life up until that point, both had lasting effects, but neither rocked my world like the one I was about to receive that fateful afternoon.

Hello?
Hey, It's Stephanie...(voice sounding a little distant)
Hey. How'd it go?
Well, Ive got some bad news.
(silence) Max failed his hearing exam.
What?
Max failed his hearing exam and it's conclusive. (voice faltering)
What does that mean? (throat tightening, panic rising)
Max is deaf....completely deaf.....(tears)
No!!!! Why!!!!! I don't understand!!!!! (panic, dizziness, anger with God, fear, hopelessness)

Stay tuned. Things get happier. I promise!

Hi Everyone !!!

2008-07-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

I just got this blog set up today, so I guess you could say that it is "under construction".

Lately, I've really felt the need to share my family's story with the rest of the world. Stephanie and I have been blessed with two incredible kids that I think you need to know about!

I've started writing a book about Max and Claire, but the theme of the book is really more about my personal journey than a celebration of Max's and Claire's life. That is why I am starting this blog. I hope that it will inspire other families and children with special needs, while providing both laughter and tears.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy it! Stay tuned.....